The Heart Will Go On
by Anne van Lieshout
Summary: '"We're done!" Those words. I'd never thought I'd hear them. Not from him.' Beck & Jade. No longer Bade. Beck lives in the future. Jade goes to the past. But will life decide to join their paths again, or will Jade's stubborness and Beck's ignorance keep them apart? (it's the first time I laugh since Beck and I broke up).
1. The Past, Present & Future

**Hey Everyone! This will be my newest story. It'll be continuous, and I'll try to make lots of chapters. ;)  
This is just an introduction, giving you a little taste what direction this story is going towards, so you'll know why it's so short.  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Victorious (but that's obvious, isn't it?).  
Hope you enjoy!**

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"We're done!" Those words. I'd never thought I'd hear them. Not from _him._  
"So you're breaking up with me?" I try to sound confident, but instead, I hear my voice slowly break down.  
"Yeah," he starts, giving me a hard, cold look before continuing. "I am."

It's been only three months, two weeks, five days and seventeen hours since we've broken up, when I see Beck, pushing Tori against _her _locker. Their lips are touching each other softly. Gently. Passionately. He never kissed me like that.  
I look down, holding back the tears that are sure to come. I hear soft footsteps, coming nearer, stopping by my side. I avoid the person's face as I start loading my books into my scissor designed locker.  
"Jade?" I'm stunned to hear that voice again, after so many years have passed.  
My head jerks up by the soft, soothing tone he used back then, and I look straight into the dark blue eyes of Liam. He still carries that same bad boy grin, showing off his white teeth. His black hair is straightened and styled.  
"Liam?" My throat is tightened. Out of worry. Or relief? "Is that really you?"  
"No," he says, rolling his eyes. I hear the hints of sarcasm. "It's your guardian angel, taking you to heaven."  
"Oh," I shriek. (it's the first time I laugh since Beck and I broke up). "So now I'm dead?"  
"You sure look like it," Liam snorts, scanning my face. "You look paler. And you have dark circles around your eyes. What happened?"  
"That's a long story," I sigh, taking a quick look at the chuckling newest couple a few meters away from me. "I'll tell you sometime." 

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**This is the end of the beginning (sounds weird :/). Please review, telling me what you think. **


	2. Choose

**Hmmm… This is chapter 2. It's not great, I know, but I'm not sure where this story should go. Anywayz, review! ;) **

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"How have you been doing?" Liam questions me, as we walk down the path towards my house. I kick a little stone away.  
"The truth?" I mumble, keeping my eyes on the brick road. I feel his eyes stabbing me from behind, and I refuse to look at him, to look at him, _to look at him. _His eyes are dark blue. Deep. It's a strange color. "I guess, I've done better."  
"Me too," he whispers, suddenly slowing down his pace. "I miss you."  
I turn around and feel the electricity chanting in between us. _I miss you. _I know those words. I've heard them before…  
With one, swift movement, Liam crashes the space between us and kisses me softly. His arms find its way around my waist, and I let one hand go through his hair. The other is wrapped around his neck tightly.  
The kiss feels _different. _He smells like smoke and oranges. The fresh kind. I can't quite figure out what the weird taste on his lips is, but I don't care.  
After what seems like hours, he slowly pulls away, and carries a warming smile. I can learn to love Liam. I can learn to get over Beck.

"_Fuck you Beck!" My voice is high-pitched, and I hear a faint sigh escape my lips.  
"Jade," Beck starts, taking a step towards me. His voice is stern. Confident. Yet, collected. "Just calm down."  
"Don't touch me," I snap, pulling my arm towards my chest. "You're an asshole."  
The students crouch around us, looking what the fuss is all about. I don't care. I don't fucking care.  
"Yeah maybe," Beck suddenly yells, and I see the anger in his eyes. But I see something else. Hurt… "But I'm the only fucking asshole here, who gives a shit about you." _

I wake to Liam's arms wrapped around my waist loosely. I slowly slip from underneath him, careful to not wake him up. He moves a little, but his steady breaths remain the same so I walk to the bathroom on my tiptoes.  
I look in the tiny mirror hung on the side of the wall. I see a pale face of a seventeen year old girl. Her hair is a mess, but dangerous as the purple streaks fit great through her black curls. The girl has a small nose, and curved lips. Her usual, piercing blue eyes, glowing with energy are dull and dark circles have created around them. I look like me. But I don't.  
"Good morning, beautiful." I jerk my head up by the sound of Liam's voice. I push out a smile, that I know, will never reach my eyes. He grins a little and takes a seductive step forward.  
A little worry shoots through my veins as he takes another one, grabbing my waist this time, but I push away the mix of emotions. _  
Get over it. _His lips are softly touching mine.  
_Don't be such a baby. _His left arm slides underneath my shirt.  
_You have him now. _His body is pressed against mine. Completely.  
_He loves you. _We're not in the bathroom anymore.  
_You love him. _I'm laying on my back on his bed.  
_Right?  
_"Stop," I mumble, as I slightly start to push Liam away, refusing to look in his eyes. I'll know they'll hurt me. "Please."

School is different. Cat avoids me. Tori walks away from me. Robbie insults me through Rex. Andre gives me glares and Beck… Beck is hurt.  
I rush towards Sikowitz' class, as the bell goes. The moment I open the door, an awkward silence creates around. Then the whispers begin.  
"Slut."  
"Bet she sleeps with every boy."  
"Who do you think you are?"  
I look at my friends. They quickly look away, pretending I don't exist. Tori sticks out her leg, and I trip. All my books fall over the floor and no one stands up to help me. No one except _him. _  
Beck quietly grabs my black painted books and hands them to me without looking at me. I wish he would. I want to see his eyes again.  
"Thank you," I whisper, trying to make him notice me. He just nods.  
"Since we're all here," Sikowitz begins, giving me a look filled with concern. "Let's continue. Why don't we start with Alphabetical improv?"  
He scans the room for a bit before his face stops on me.  
"Jade," he starts, trying to give me a small smile. "Will you lead the first group?"  
"No," I simply state. I don't want to go up there. Not in front of them.  
"Fine," Sikowitz sighs, as he knows there's no way of changing my mind. "Beck, you do it."  
The boy looks up from playing with Tori's hand, and doesn't give me a single look as he walks onto the small stage.  
"Uh," he starts, observing us one by one. "Jade."  
_That's not right. It can't be me? _  
I look at him, and he gives me an expecting look. Like the ones he gave me when I did something wrong, and put me on a time-out.  
I slowly stand from my seat, joining him on stage. We stand closer than friends would. Further away than a couple would.  
"Tori."  
Something bubbles inside me. _I'm still his first choice. _  
"And… Andre."  
Andre's my friend. Right? He won't do anything to hurt me.  
"Okay," Sikowitz awkwardly says, looking towards the perky little red head. "Cat, give us a letter."  
"C!" she shrieks, giggling. "For Cat."  
"Ah," Sikowitz sighs. "The imagination. Andre, will you start us off?"  
"Cut it out guys," Andre says, giving me a quick glance before turning back to Beck and Tori. "She didn't do anything."  
"Don't be so naïve," Tori retorts, giving me a glare. "She's a total slut."  
"Enough," Beck says, not laying his eyes on me. Not once. "They are just rumors."  
"Fuck," Tori yells, looking at Beck. "Are you that stupid Beck?"  
"God," I finally open my mouth. Out of rage. Out of pain. "Will you shut the fuck up, Vega?"  
"Hey!" Beck shouts, looking at me for the first time. His eyes are still brown. But something's different. They're dull. They're… Not mine. "Don't talk to my girlfriend like that."  
"I like ice cream," Andre randomly exclaims, trying to break the death glares.  
"Just where did you come from?" I ask Tori, looking passed Beck.  
"Kill the attitude, Jade," Beck informs me, giving me a warning look.  
"Let's just all calm down," Andre tries, but is cut off by Tori _fucking _Vega.  
"Man," she starts, pointing at me. "You're a bitch. Now I know why Beck dumped your _fucking _ass."  
"Now listen to me," I say, and try to keep my voice steady. Angry. But I can't. The words hurt. _Now I know why Beck dumped you. You're a bitch. She's a total slut.  
_I feel tears create in my eyes, and blink a few times to suck them back in. But it's too late.  
The first drop has began crawling aside my cheek down into my neck. I wipe it away before anyone can see it. But _he _saw it.  
Everything starts to spin. I hear voices. Screams. (why are people screaming?). I see only a great blur as my legs give up on me. I hear a crash. (is that my body?). Another yell. It sounds familiar. I try to open my eyes, but the light is blinding me. My heart is beating fast. _Too fast. _I feel a sharp throbbing in the back of my head. Water surrounds me. It's warm. It smells weird. It's not really water, is it?  
"Jade!"  
_A familiar voice._  
"Can you hear me?"  
_Who is that?_  
"Wake up!"  
_Wake up from what?_  
"Don't leave!"  
_Why shouldn't I?_  
"Please!"  
_Isn't it better for everyone if I was just dead? _

"_What would you do if I die?" I look at him, as he gives me a confused expression. His eyebrows curve into a frown, and his eyes shine out the worry.  
"I don't know," he retorts, keeping his eyes on mine. "It's not something I want to think about." _

I wake up in a strange place. There's a tree. And a field. Nothing else.  
It smells like lemongrass and mint. It's familiar. But… from where? There is no wind, and the sky is light blue. A cooling color. Someone might find this place beautiful. The calm, yet intensive presence. The magical colors of little flowers around you. I despise it.  
Then _he _is here. He doesn't look at me, and I see his broad shoulders from behind. I take a step forward, and so does he. I take another. He takes another. I start to rush towards him, and he walks away at the same pace. I stop. He stops. I scream. He keeps quiet. Strange.  
I turn around and see Liam. He's also turned away from me, and when I try to get closer, he moves away.  
_Choose.  
_A voice in my head. It's not mine. _Who's is it?  
Choose.  
_"Why?" I ask. "Choose what?"  
_Choose.  
_Then I know. I have to choose. Choose between Beck and Liam. My current boyfriend. Someone who cares about me. Or my ex-boyfriend. Someone I've loved for over three years. Someone I still love.  
_Choose.  
_I can't. I can't choose between these two. Why should I?  
_Choose.  
_"No." My voice is stern. Confident.  
_Okay.  
_I hear two loud bangs. I quickly turn to face Beck. He's lying in the field. Dead.  
I turn around and look at Liam. He's crumpled against the tree. Dead.  
I scream. Scream until my throat hurts. Scream until something will happen. Something will come for me. Something will wake me up.

.

**This is it for today. Like it? Love it? Hate it? Tell me. **


	3. Forever, right?

**Hey! Thanks everyone for reviewing. I really appreciate it, because it makes me feel like someone does care 'bout my stories. If there's something confusing, just tell me, I'll try to explain. And I'll be taking requests. Ideas, for the next chapters. I'd really appreciate that too. Hope you enjoy!  
Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious (but I guess that's more than obvious, right?) **

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The bright lights. The soft, sharp beeping noise of a heart monitor. The rushing through the hallways. I've never really loved hospitals.  
I wake up (even though I never _really _wake up) with wires, attached to my pale, skinny arms, connecting it selves with machines. Liam is by my side. He's holding my hand weakly, as his closed eyes and steady breaths tell me he is a sleep.  
A sting of hurt goes through me. I'm glad Liam is here but… (I want someone else to be here).  
"Liam." I barely manage to whisper his name as I softly shake his hand. "Liam."  
"Huh?" A sleepy, yet alert Liam looks up by the sound of his name. He sees my open eyes and smiles. "You're awake."  
"No," I mutter under my breath, using the sarcasm I so often used with Beck (don't think about him!). "Can you tell me what happened?"  
"I," Liam starts, playing a little with his fingers. "I wasn't there. I came out of the bathroom and saw Beck carrying you. Your head was bleeding and you were so pale. Your eyes were closed, and your lips curved down. I knew something was wrong."  
He stops for a little to wait for my reaction. I hold back for tears and feel a sharp throbbing in my head.

"_Get her to the hospital!" A faint voice, shouting above everything. "Quickly."  
Two strong arms, wrap around me as I feel myself being carried up. I can't do anything. My eyes are shut. My body is limp.  
But the arms are familiar. They've held me before. When I fainted in 8__th__ grade. When I slipped outside in the rain, and twisted my ankle in 9__th__ grade. Or a sleep on his bed, protected in those arms, taking in his scent. Lemongrass and Mint. Then I'm gone. _

"I ran after you," Liam continues when I don't say a word. "I drove to the hospital as Beck got a towel to stop the bleeding. We were just on time. I don't know…"  
He stops again, and I feel the lump in my throat growing bigger. _Beck saved me. Again. Even after… _

The doors of Hollywood Arts seem heavier. My head still hurts, but I refused to stay in the hospital. And home is not an option. My drunk father, and my dead mother wouldn't be able to comfort me.  
"Jade!" I hear Cat, bouncing towards me, with those short, little legs and hugs me tight. "You're back!"  
"No!" I almost scream, and she releases me. "I'm sorry. Just… A headache."  
"Kay!" Cat retorts, ignoring my strange behavior. It's good she's so naïve. "Hey guys!"  
She waves at our 'friends' and the moment they look at me, they walk away and whisper a little before turning the corner.  
I hear Vega's loud, and shrieking giggle, and it reminds me of a slaughtered pig. Cat turns to me before mumbling an apology, and running after the little group that just disappeared.  
"Have you seen what she's wearing?" That's not Vega's voice. It's… Elena's. A cheerleader who used to date Beck. "Wouldn't surprise me if she get's raped because of it."  
I turn towards her. Usually, that would make any other student back away, or even wince, but she takes a daring step forward. I give her a long glare, before opening my mouth.  
"Watch out," I hiss, taking a step towards her. I realize she's about an inch taller than me. "Who knows what terrible things might happen to you if you speak one more time?"  
"What are you going to do?" Elena says, grinning. Her perfect, shiny blonde hair evens out her longer jaw. But her small nose looks strange. "Call your boyfriend? Beck? Oh, right. He dumped you."  
"Shut your mouth about Beck," I snap, giving her a slight push. "He dumped you too, am I correct?"  
Laughter fills around me, and Elena grabs my wrist. An angry expression would've been less threatening. Her eyes spit out pure hatred.  
"Fuck off, slut," she screams, and slaps me hard against my left cheek. I hardly feel the stinging pain, as the hatred bubbles inside me by the word _'slut'. _  
"What did you just call me, bitch?" I scream, stepping on her toes hard. She screams out of frustration and grips my hair.  
"You're a fucking slut!" she screams again, taking her knee up to my side. I can't breathe for a few moments before punching her in the jaw. "Now that you don't have Beck to fuck, you just go around, sleeping with any guy you can find."  
She holds her bruised jaw as she spits in my face, releasing me for a few seconds, looking me in the eyes.  
"You want to know why everyone walks away when you even look at them?" she starts again, her grin disappeared. "It's because you're a fucking bitch. Nobody likes you, and your ugly face. Beck stayed with you all these years, because he felt sorry for you."  
The last words hurt. More than anything. More than my aching head. More than the stinging pain on my left cheek. More than the uncontrollable breathing, and the pounding in my side. More than the laughter and the stares. _Beck stayed with you all these years, because he felt sorry for you. _

"Are you okay?" Liam's voice is soothing. But I feel the tension between us. "You seem a little… Distracted."  
"I'm," I start, but know I will break if I continue. Instead, I look him in the eyes and kiss him. His lips still taste weird, and there's a smell I can't identify. He slowly pushes me towards the king-sized bed and gently puts me down.  
_This is wrong.  
_His lips move to my neck, kissing my collarbone softly. I let out a faint sigh, and hope he didn't hear me.  
_Control yourself.  
_I don't know when it happened, but one moment my shirt was on. The other moment, my shirt was off. I feel a cold breeze, making my body shiver as Liam hovers over me, taking off his own shirt.  
_Don't.  
_Liam is handsome. His muscles show the amount of work out he does, and many girls would fall for him. I, on the other hand, notice his slightly bigger nose. The way those small eyes make his jaw look longer. The small lips, and his larger teeth, making it look uneven. Many girls would fall for him. But not me.  
_Stop._

My scissor designed locker is not near Beck's. And I'm glad, for the first time.  
I open the lock, which is still _our _anniversary (why haven't I changed it?). I take one look, and find green slime all over my books. I sigh, accepting the fact no-one is no longer afraid of me anymore, because I lost the one thing that kept me strong. _Beck. _  
I get a rag from my bag, slowly wiping away the green substance as I hear familiar footsteps coming closer. I don't look up to see who it is; I already know who those footsteps belong to. His boots, making that sound when I would wake up in his RV. The same pace, and always a slight skip in the step.  
He takes a little towel from his bag, as he helps me clean my locker. I glow inside. _Why is he helping me? _  
Eventually, I stop trying and start looking at his hands. How they work perfectly in every corner. I slowly go up his arm, studying the tense muscles in the upper part, and reach his neck. It has a red spot. It's fresh.  
I want to run my fingers over it. Slowly. Softly. Not for any reason. Just to see what it feels like to touch him again.  
His face is concentrated, and focused on anything but me. A little piece of hair hangs in front of his brown, warm eyes, and before I know what I'm doing, I reach out my hand and tuck the piece behind his ear.  
Beck stops and looks at his shaking hand before turning to me. His expression is confused. Conflicted. But not pure hatred. Not cold. I missed this.  
Beck sighs, and looks back into the locker before laying his eyes on something. It's _our _necklace. A simple ring, tied with a black string. He lets his fingers go over it smoothly and examines it.  
"You still have this?" His words sound calm. Collected. Yet… Something's different.  
"I guess I forgot to throw it away," I mumble. It's a lie. He knows it. I know it.  
Silence. What is there to say? He looks at it a bit longer before turning to me.  
"I'm still wearing mine." The moment those words escape his lips, he takes a little black string over his head and holds the ring in his hand.  
I pick it up carefully, rolling it in my finger. It's still shiny and the weight makes me feel light headed.

_I knock on the door of the RV. I forgot my key (I always do) and I didn't feel like walking back to my house. Another knock.  
"Coming!" Beck yells from inside, and I hear the memorized footsteps.  
I hear him turning the door knob, and smiles when he sees me. I give him a slight kiss on the cheek before entering. The whole RV is dark, except for a few candles lit around the bed.  
Rose leaves are spread around, and hear the soft jazz music.  
Suddenly, two arms are wrapped around my waist and his lips move over my neck to my ear, softly nibbling it.  
I turn around with one movement and kiss him passionately on the lips. He replies, eagerly, fighting for power by pushing his tongue into my mouth. I willingly let him, and we start walking towards the soft bed.  
Before he kisses me again, he gets a small box from his behind pocket and takes out a small little necklace. It's a simple ring with a black string. It's perfect.  
"Happy Anniversary babe," Beck whispers, softly in my ear. _

"Jade, are you okay?" Beck is in front of me, looking worried. I look at him, and push out a convincing smile (thank god I'm a good actress). I look back at the necklace and notice something strange. Something is engraved in the inside of the silver ring.  
_Jade  
_I quickly take my own necklace from my locker, and try to read the inside.  
_Beck  
_And there's something strange. The two rings fit perfectly together. I connect them and feel tears piercing in my diamond blue eyes.  
_Beck & Jade Forever_

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**This is again. I hope it's long enough. Anyway, sorry it took me so long, I've been having lots of work at school and at home. I'll post the next chapter as soon as possible.  
Like it? Dislike it? Love it? Hate it? Just review, and I'll try to explain it. **


	4. Do You Love Me?

**First up, I want to apologize. It took me quite a while to write this, but I needed a few ideas. This may be a bit confusing, so don't mind asking. Also, exams are coming up soon, so I'll have less time, but I'll try as hard as possible.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious (don't you know yet?).**

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The blade of the scissors hurts my bare wrist. A little stream of blood, makes its way across my arm into the bathtub. I bite my lip, holding back the tears that are sure to come. A scream through my gritted teeth, as I start to wash the red liquid off my arm.  
"Jade?" Liam knocks on the door, and I quickly turn around. "Are you okay?"  
"I'm okay," I say, letting the water clean my fresh wound. "I'll be out in a minute."

The girls' bathroom is not the safest place to handle this, but it needs to be done now. I lean over the toilet, as I put my middle finger in my throat. The sour substance burns, and the smell makes me gasp for air.  
_Breathe Jade, breathe.  
This is for your own good.  
You're not pretty.  
You'll be prettier once you're done.  
Nobody cares about you. _

It's a good thing the other students avoid me. The changing rooms are always empty when I change. The showing of my ribs will be suspicious. They'll get help. But I don't want help. I want _Beck.  
_I can finally admit it without feeling guilty. It's a fact, and I will get over it. I just need a little more time. And Liam can give me that. We had a few talks the last couple of nights about _us. _And my relationship with Beck. He had been kind to me. Patient. More patient than Beck ever was. Liam is magnificent. He's understanding, smart, everyone loves him. Why would he like a girl like me? I'm jealous, my life is a mess, and I'm a total bitch. I should be able to love Liam. I could. But I don't.  
I start to pull up the zipper off my 'skinny' jeans (they're baggy now) as the bouncy red-head sprints inside. My shirt is not on yet, and I freeze. The expression on her face says everything. She has never looked this afraid. Frightened. Worried.  
"Jade," she mumbles, shakily pointing a finger at me. "I can see your… That's not… Why are you…"  
She doesn't finish a sentence. She just shakes, as I slowly grab my long sleeved sweater (to cover up the scars) but on my way, she sees my arms.  
"Jade," I find tears well up in her eyes, as she turns around and runs.  
"Cat!" I scream, but the door has already fallen in place, and I quickly start to pull on my sweater (what took me so long?).  
I push the door of the girls' changing room open with such a force, that it slams against the wall. A few people look up to see where the noise came from, but the most give me quick glares before continuing whispering in their own conversations.  
_Find Cat you idiot.  
_"Cat!" I yell, and start looking around, trying to spot the girl that I once called 'best friend'. I spot her tiny legs, running around the corner, towards Sikowitz' class room. Beck might be there. She's going to tell him. No.  
I'm taller. I can run quicker. But she has a head start. And before I manage to catch up with her, she might have already told him. I have one chance. Finding him first.  
I know Beck. He doesn't like the Janitor's closet. Something about it freaks him out. He'd only go to Sikowitz' room if Tori was there. And Tori would only go there for something important, like a play. There are no upcoming plays or performances, so she has no reason to be there. He could be at her locker, or his, but I don't see him. There's one other place. The black box.  
I sprint as fast as I can towards the black box theatre. I gasp for air. I have lost a lot of weight recently. I have half the energy I had before all this happened.  
I collapse against the door, and I need to find my balance, as my sight becomes blurry.  
"Beck," I whisper, barely feeling the throbbing in my head. "Beck!"  
"Jade?" His confusion surprises me. I don't know why. "What's wrong?"  
"Has Cat talked to you yet?" I say, trying to catch my breath.  
"No," he says sternly. "What are you talking about?"  
"Just," I say in between my inhales. "Don't believe anything she's going to tell you."  
"Jade, what's going on?"  
I see the perky red-head rushing inside, grabbing Beck's arm to secure her.  
"Beck," she mumbles. "It's Jade."  
"Jade?" Beck looks at me, but his eyes don't reach me. Not really. "What's happening?"  
"Her ribs," she exclaims, pointing at me. "And her wrists."  
"What?" Beck's expression tells me he is slowly finding the right puzzle pieces. "Wait."  
In two steps he reaches my side, and pulls up my sweater without warning. My bare stomach, is pale. Paler than before. You could never find a piece of fat, and my ribs are pointing out. You could count them. But he doesn't.  
Beck's expression remains emotionless as he pulls up my left sleeve, finding the dark red scars, clearly marked. He looks me in the eyes, and I find… Nothing.  
I pull down my sleeve and look at the ground. My boots have never felt this cold before. A tear escapes my eyes, and as it makes its way towards my cheek, a familiar hand wipes it away. It's the same hand that would cup my face gently, as we passionately had our first kiss in the rain. It's the hand that would hold mine, squeezing it lightly. Telling me I'm safe. It's the same hand that would stroke my bare stomach, just before I'd fall asleep in his arms. It's the hand that would tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear. The hand that now, makes the tears go away.

I forgot to pick up my things. Clothes, make-up, a toothbrush… His RV hasn't changed much though. It's cleaner since I left. I guess I was always the one throwing his items when we were having another argument. I guess those arguments were the reason we broke up. I'd secretly like the screaming. Letting out the frustration. And it'd always end up making out on his bed. Or couch. Or sink. Or against the wall.  
I walk towards his closet, getting some of my dresses and shirts when I see a familiar girl shirt. It's red with laces at the bottom. It's… Vega's.  
I hold it up, and Beck looks at it, before taking his gaze towards mine.  
"She slept over, and must've forgotten it," he explains, continuing reading his book. I remember that book. He recommended me that book a few months ago, when I was bored. We were on vacation in Canada, visiting his parents. He gave me the book to distract myself from hitting one of his family members.  
"Oh." It's the only thing I can think of. "So she sleeps here often?"  
"No," he sighs, not taking his eyes off the page. I see his eyes move swiftly towards my boots, and back to the letters. "She came over for a movie, and was tired, so I told her she didn't have to go home."  
Silence.

"_Why can't you stay over?" He sounds hurt and confused, and I feel guilt rushing through my veins. "You always have to go. Please stay. Just tonight. For me?"  
"Okay."  
After that, I never left. _

"Beck?" I sound weak. And I hate it. I'm supposed to be strong. Unreachable. Instead… I'm broken. "Thank you."  
"For what?" His eyes meet mine. But they don't (they never really reached you, right?).  
"For saving me," I reply, sitting next to him, on the familiar bed. "You saved me in every way a person can be saved. And I want to thank you."  
The silence is not awkward. It's comforting. Like the car rides in the city. We'd drive to the ocean. His arm, wrapped around my shoulder, sitting there. Enjoying each others' company. Or the many nights in the RV. I loved those nights.  
"Can I ask you something?" His voice is stern. Confident. And calm. "Please."  
"Okay," I whisper, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. This is bad.  
"Do you still love me?"  
His eyes are a strange kind of brown. They're dark. Yet, bright. The little triangle, giving his left eye a natural glow has always appealed to me. His eyes are not very big. But I could fit an entire universe in that sparkling glow.  
His nose is quite big. Many girls wouldn't notice. I did. I noticed everything about this boy. His nose is a little more tanned than the rest of his face, balancing out its size.  
His lips are average. Maybe they're big. Or maybe they're small. His lips have a natural, strange, pink glow. They're always shut. But I see through the little gap for air, towards his perfect white teeth. Almost perfect. His upper tooth, towards the right, is a little crooked, but the straight tooth on the opposite side, makes it looks okay.  
His jaw his quite long. It makes his ears stand out perfectly well. It has a little curve, right at its base. About where his neck begins.  
His ears are small. You'll never get to see them, because of his smooth, dark brown hair, covering them up. But I've seen them. Countless times. The words I filled those ears with. Secrets, fantasies. It _was_ perfect.  
His hair is dark brown. Not black. It looks black, for people who don't care enough to notice. His hair is a strange color. Just like his eyes. It makes his skin a little lighter, yet darker. It's… Different. There is one curl, at the back of his head. It's hidden away from the perfect, straightened hair, but my middle finger fits perfectly in the curve.  
His neck is long. But not broad. It gives his shoulders a muscular look. The hairs at the back of his neck are almost black. A bit grey. Like the sunset after a beautiful, rainy day. He has a little spot, just under the jaw. He got this scar by protecting me one day. He _was _so brave.  
I realize that Beck is good. His heart is pure. What we had was… It was _almost _perfect. _Almost.  
_"Yes."

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**This is it for tonight. I hope you enjoyed this. I kind of like this chapter. There's not much of Liam in here, or Tori, and it's more about Bade. But my opinion doesn't count.  
Like it? Love it? Dislike it? Hate it? Review, please. **


	5. Trapped

**Lalalahh.. I'm sorry, I took a long time to write this chapter, and I still hate it. :/ Hope you like it.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious (come on, be clever). **

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I used to love school events. Beck would wrap an arm around my shoulder. Congratulate me on a performance. It was nice.  
Since Vega came, I have never been asked to sing again. Or produce my own play. Or even do lighting. Vega took it away. But Beck was there. So I was okay.

The Full Moon Jam is the first event since Beck and I have broken up. We've never missed one. It feels weird. Strange even. It's not how it's supposed to be.

"Tori, what are you going to sing tonight?" I hear Andre say, as I sit alone at my lunch table. Cat sometimes comes to me for a little chat, but I'm never in the mood.  
"You Don't Know Me," The brunette replies, and I bite my lower lip to stop me from tearing out that pretty, innocent little smile on her 'perfect' face. It's my song. Not hers. Not anyone's. I wrote it for Beck. So we'd get back together.  
"Oh!" Cat screeches, not realizing my heavy breathing from the other side. "I love that song. Who is it by again?"  
"I don't remember…" Tori trails off, and I feel her eyes piercing through my back, trying to kill me with looks.  
"Oh well!" Cat mumbles. "Good luck tonight!"

Liam can't make it. I don't mind. I'd rather be alone tonight.  
My old 'friends' are laughing, smiling. Not noticing that I'm alone in the corner. Who could blame them? I'm a slut. Bitch. The only reason they were nice to me, was Beck. Now that he's gone… They're gone.  
"Coming up next," Sikowitz exclaims through the microphone. "Is Tori Vega, with 'You Don't Know Me'!"  
I watch Miss. _(fucking) _Perfect, walk onto stage. She's shaking her hips (_a little too much) _and smiles with those perfect white teeth (_a little too white). _  
The music starts and I feel something stabbing me a little. I don't know what it is. But I know it's because of _him… _

_You think you know me,  
But you don't know me. _

As Vega sings the first lines, I feel something warm spread through me. Electricity, rushing through my veins. It's not her on stage. It's me. Desperately delivering the message to the boy a few meters away from me.

_You think you own me,  
But you can't control me. _

The eye contact we made. His lips, curving a little. No one noticed. I did.

_You look at me and there's just one thing that you see,  
So listen to me… Listen to me!_

His hair was a little longer that day. His eyes were a little bit brighter. He was happy. I was happy.

_You push me back, I'll push you back.  
Harder, Harder. _

I still remember how we broke up. The endless fighting. The screaming. I threw the matching necklace at him. Showing him I was done. He had stood there. Stunned in his RV. Looking at the ring on the floor.  
I regretted it so much. I knew we didn't have much time left.  
He looked me in the eyes, and his were full of tears. Dull. I was hurt. As the first drop was rolling down my cheek, he cupped my face with his strong hands and kissed me.  
Not gently. Or passionately. He kissed me the way he used to. When everything was right between us.

_You scream at me, I scream at you.  
Louder. L. L. L. L. Louder. _

Tori has a nice voice. I can't deny it anymore.  
At the corner of my eye, I see Cat cheering, and Robbie's arm is wrapped around her waist. When did that happen? Andre, is laughing with Beck, but soon walks away to get them some drinks.  
Beck watches Tori, and I watch him.  
It's like old times.

"_Hi," A tanned boy, with long, dark brown hair, says. "I'm Beck."  
"Jade."  
"You want me to show you around, Jade?" His voice is mysterious. There's something about him. He doesn't look at me with that angst in his eyes. Or the sympathy. He looks at me as if I'm… Beautiful. _

He noticed me. I know it, because he's walking towards me.

_I'm dangerous, I'm warning you.  
But you're not afraid of me._

"Hey," he simply says, looking at his girlfriend on stage. "Must be rough."  
"What do you mean?" It was supposed to be a snap. Have attitude. Instead, it was a whisper. Choked out.  
"This is your song, Jade," Beck exclaims, looking me in the eyes. They're still brown. They're still magical. "It's not fair."  
"Vega has always gotten what she wants," I quietly reply. "Ever since she came, she got all the leading parts in plays, got to perform in every event. She tore away everything that I ever loved."  
"Do you mean me?"

_And I can't convince you,  
That you don't know me. _

The silence that follows isn't hollow. Isn't awkward. It's… Comforting. I feel like things might get right between us. We could be friends. I could fall in love with Liam. We'll all live happy, happy, happy, right?  
Deep down, I knew it was a lie.

_And the longer that you stay, the ice is melting.  
And the pain feels okay, it feels okay…_

"What do you think happened between…" Beck starts, still focusing on the brunette. "Us?"  
"I don't know," I whisper, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. "I guess you were tired. I was done. The love had disappeared."  
"No." His voice is stern. I find the little frown in between his eye brows. "The love will never disappear. Never."

_You push me back, I'll push you back.  
You scream at me, I'll scream at you.  
Louder, louder, louder, louder, louder, louder…. _

"Beck," I start, but stop, because I don't know what I was about to say next.  
"Are you still doing that shit?" He casually asks, changing subjects. He taps on his left wrist, and I realize what he's talking about.  
I took a break from self harm, when Beck had found out. I was doing well for a while. The scars slowly started to disappear, but not fast enough.  
"It helps me," I mumble.  
"Helps you with what, Jade?" Beck worriedly asks me. "Helps you with killing yourself? Have you become suicidal?"  
"No," I sigh, playing with my fingers nervously. "It takes away my problems."  
"Self harm only adds onto your problems."

_You push me back, I'll push you back.  
Harder, harder._

"It makes me forget…" I begin, but end. I won't say it. I can't.  
"Makes you forget about what?"  
"About you."

_You scream at me, I'll scream at you.  
Louder. L. L. L. L. Louder._

The song is almost over. I remember how nervous I was. If he was going to come up and kiss me. Or laugh in my face.

_I'm dangerous, I'm warning you.  
But you're not afraid of me. _

Beck smiles, and claps when Vega looks towards our direction. Her glance goes from Beck to me. I see a glistening in her eyes I've never seen before. Jealousy.

_And I can't convince you.  
And I don't have to.  
I think you know me. _

Beck starts his way towards the stage, but changes his mind and turns around.  
"You sang it better," he says, giving me a warming smile. "You know that?"  
I return the smile for a moment, before Tori comes rushing towards us. She gives me a quick glare, before pulling her boyfriend into a passionate kiss.  
"How'd I do?" I hear her mumble in his ear.  
"You were amazing."

Liam is out of town this weekend. I haven't seen him in two weeks.  
I walk towards the Greenhill Park, as my phone starts to beep. I groan a little, because it's probably another bitch from school. Telling me to fuck off. Or telling me to kill myself. Why do they have to hate on me?  
I look on my screen, and see Cat's picture. She's smiling (when isn't she?).  
I open it, and I'm surprised by the message she sent me.  
_Hey Jade,  
We're having movie night at Tori's tonight.. Wanna come? I mean, they've been kinda acting cold towards you, and they'd like to apologize for it. You're in? _

I knock on Vega's front door, and it remains awfully silent. Is this some kind of trick? I hear footsteps, and Trina opens the door.  
"Oh," she sighs, getting out of the way. "It's you. They're in Tori's room."  
"Thanks," I mumble, and walk towards Tori's room. It feels weird. I haven't been here in a long time. Not since Beck and I… Never mind.  
I don't bother knocking on the wooden door, and open it immediately.  
It's completely dark, and it seems like no one's inside. Yet, I hear a few noises.  
"Jade." It's Robbie. Where are they? "We're here."  
I walk towards the source of the sound, and suddenly a hand wraps around my mouth, and another punches me hard in my windpipe, making me gasp for air.  
I fall to my knees, and the hard floor makes electricity go through me. It hurts. Bad.  
I try to scream, but the hand muffles up the sound. The hand smells familiar. Cheese pops. It's Andre.  
Someone turns on the lights, and the bright light burns my eyes. I blink a few times, and find myself in Vega's room. The brunette is standing in front of me, grinning with a mischievous smile. Next to her is Cat, nervously biting her nails.  
Andre's behind me, holding me in place, and with the corner of my eye, I find Robbie rumbling with a closet. What is happening?  
"Look at you," Tori starts, walking around me. Slowly. "Powerless. Is Jade West… Frightened?"  
I'd like to rip her pretty little heart out of her body, and I might, if Andre hadn't just tight my hands together. Something else gets my attention. Where's Beck? Shouldn't he be with his girlfriend?  
"You're probably wondering what we're doing," Tori says again, now looking at Robbie and the closet. "I have noticed you've been kind of… Close with Beck lately. We'd like to change that."  
Cat squeaks and runs out of the room (coward).  
Andre pulls me to my feet, and his strong arms don't give me a chance to escape (since when is Andre this strong?).  
"We've heard stories," Tori says, opening the closet. I'm starting to realize what's happening. "That you're claustrophobic. Am I correct?"  
There is only one person in the world who knows I'm afraid of small spaces. Being trapped. That person is Beck Oliver.  
"We're just going to teach you a lesson," Tori smiles, as Andre pushes me into the closet. I struggle, but he's strong. Too strong.  
He grabs a towel, and binds it around my head, leaving me no option but to be quiet.  
He carries me into the closet, as Tori closes the doors gently. I hear the lock closing.  
That's when the screaming starts.

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**This is it for today. I know, it sucks. Hope it's not all bad.  
Like it? Dislike it? Love it? Hate it? Please review. Yay?!** _  
_


	6. Those Familiar Arms

**First of all, I know. Tori, Andre and Robbie are sort of out of character. But they're supposed to be, for the sake of the story. I really wanted to do a claustrophobic bit/in the closet. I don't know why… :/ Anyways, this chapter will hopefully give you an explanation about the 'out of character bits'. Enjoy. **

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My eyes slowly start to adjust to my surroundings. The closet is small. Too small. There are a few coats, and nothing else. My screams are muffled up by the piece of cloth around my mouth. It's too tight. It will leave red scars, for sure.  
My hands have been bind behind my back with a sharp piece of string. I need to untie it.  
My feet start kicking the wooden door as my arms are struggling against the ropes. I need to get out of here, before I lose it. The smell is familiar. The dusty smell of an old closet…

"_You can cool down in here." It's my father's voice. The cruelty of his arms, pushing me towards me worst nightmare. He's the reason I'm claustrophobic. And nothing else. _

"Help!" I scream through the piece of cloth. "Please!"  
Tears are welling up in my eyes, and my hands are burning.  
"Cat," It's Andre (traitor). "Your turn to guard. Make sure she shuts up."  
I hear a door close, and it's silent before bouncy footsteps are coming closer.  
"Jade?" Her voice. It sounds worried. Frightened.  
"Fuck off," I snap, holding back tears. "If I ever get out of here, you're going to pay."  
"It wasn't," Cat starts, and I hear the slight crack in her high-pitched voice. "This wasn't my idea. They made me. I'm so sorry."  
"A little late for apologies," I hiss. "I hate you Cat. Did you hear me? I. Hate. You."

_I've never liked elevators. Never.  
In 8__th__ grade, Beck and I went to visit his mum in the hospital. I had never told him about… My fear for small spaces and areas. Of being locked up. I'd have to explain why I'm afraid. How it all started.  
We went with the elevator. Everything was going fine, until there was a power storage. The small box stopped, and the lights turned off. Beck was calm. Collected. I freaked out.  
I had to tell him. I made him swear not to tell anyone else. And he didn't. Until now. _

My breathing becomes heavier. My heart beat raises. This is bad. I need to get out.  
I scream as loud as I can through the towel, and helplessly try to find a way of taking of the tight rope.  
I pull. Pull harder than I've ever have. Pull harder than I should, for the sake of my bare wrists and fragile skin. But I don't care. I don't fucking care.  
I hear a little crack, and find space in between my right hand. I struggle. It hurts (too much). My throat is sore from screaming. I don't stop.  
_Continue.  
Fuck, Jade! You're not going to be locked in this closet.  
You're going to rip the arms of Vega's body.  
Crush Robbie's glasses.  
Tear Rex to pieces.  
Punch Andre in the face.  
Cut Cat's precious, red hair.  
_My hands are free.

I untie the towel from my mouth, and massage my wrists.  
I cough a little by the lack of fresh air and start slam against the door. My hands are hurting. My legs are aching. But the door won't open.  
I start screaming again. It's the only thing I could still do. Maybe, somewhere, someone will listen.  
I know it's no use.

"Beck?" It's Cat. I stop the screaming and listen carefully. Is Beck here? Why isn't he doing anything? "You need to come here. It's Jade. It's…"  
I hear a muffled voice and realize what the perky little red head is doing. She's calling him. She's trying to help me.  
"Tori's house," she sobs, and tears well up in my eyes. "Come quick."

Memories are overtaking me. The closet is becoming smaller and smaller, and my heart beat is going faster and faster. My breathing is too heavy. I make myself into a ball and close my eyes. Not good enough.  
My dad's voice, telling me I'm useless. Beck's protective arms around me. The little song he'd used to sing to me when I had another attack.

_Just close your eyes,  
The sun is going down.  
You'll be alright,  
No one can hurt you now.  
Come morning light,  
You and I'll be safe.  
And… Sound._

"Help!" I'm begging (since when do I beg?). "Please."  
Everything is turning. Footsteps. Laughter. The shrieking sound of a door opening. I'm still locked.  
I think I'm turning mad. I'm hearing his voice. It's far away. Yet, so close.  
"Hey Tori." Footsteps.  
"Beck?" Confusion. Frightened. "What are you doing here?"  
"I got a weird call from Cat." His voice sound worried (it's not him). "Something about Jade."  
"Jade's not here." It's Robbie (liar). "I don't know what she's talking about."  
Other footsteps. I cover my ears. I don't want to imagine things. I don't want to go mad, want to go mad, want to go mad…

Shouting (you're almost dead).  
"She's in the fucking closet?" It's him. Where is he? "Have you lost your minds?"  
Crying. Screaming. A loud groan. A punch. I'm almost gone, almost gone, almost gone.  
"Open the fucking door." He's close (yet so far away). "Now."  
"Beck…" Vega. (Tori _fucking _Vega). "Please listen."  
"No." Where am I? "You've gone too far. Way too far."  
"Dude." Is it the nerd? "Relax. She's not dying. We're just pranking her."  
"_This _is not a prank. This is some fucking shit that has crossed the line."  
Footsteps are coming closer (don't hurt me!).  
"Jade?" His tone is so soothing. It's so real (don't trust it). "Are you in there?"  
I can't reply. I'm numb. I can't do anything.  
"Shit." Worry. Pain. "Give me the keys. Now."  
"No." The boy with the dreads. I would've once called him a _friend. _  
"I said…" Anger. Still worry. "Give me the fucking keys."  
Shouting. Screaming. Tears. A punch. I can almost smell the warm, fresh blood (it's not fucking real).

I hear a lock opening (to my life?). Bright light surrounding me (am I in Heaven?). I can't be. I'm not good enough. I'm a bitch. A slut (right?).  
"Jade!" It's him (why is he here?). "Oh my…"  
More crying. It sounds like… The little red head. The one who'd always be there for me (why are they all dead?). The one I used to call 'best friend'.  
Two (familiar) arms wrap around me (angels?). Carrying me. My hands still pushed against my ears. My eyes still shut.  
"Beck." It's Vega (it always was, right?). "Can we talk?" She sounds desperate. Defeated.  
"Not today." It's the boy who's holding me (don't open your eyes). "Today I'm done. With all of you."  
"Uh." Is it the musician? "I… Want to apologize. I…"  
"Shut it Andre." What is everyone talking about? "It's not me you should apologize to."  
Feet start to move, and a little breeze is cooling my cheek (is it cold?). A shiver starts from my arms, spreading through my fragile body.  
"She's cold." Cat. Always her. "Give her this."  
Something warm is laid over my bare upper body, covering most of the goose bumps. Still, my hands pressed against my ears. Ignoring the painful screams of my childhood. My eyes shut. Against all the bad memories.

_Just close your eyes,  
The sun is going down.  
You'll be alright,  
No one can hurt you now.  
Come morning light,  
You and I'll be safe.  
And… Sound._

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**I know, it's so short right? I kinda like this chapter (have no idea why?). It's the whole 'Jade in the closet' chapter. Hm.. Interesting name. It's quite confusing at some points, and I know that. Hope you get it.  
Like it? Dislike it? Love it? Hate it? Please, Review! I'd like to know. :/  
Once again, my apologies for the short chapter. **


	7. You're Forgiven

**Okay, I just want to say that I'm very grateful for your reviews ****. It's nice that someone cares. Another chapter before I go to bed. I'm very tired, so this will probably be suckyy.  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Victorious (come on guys, are you going to make me repeat it?). **

.

The screaming slowly begins to fade. My dad's voice is almost erased from my head. _Almost. _  
There's a boy holding me. Singing that magical song in a soothing tone.  
_You and I'll be safe,  
And… Sound.  
_The arms have held me before. They're familiar. _Too familiar. _  
I don't open my eyes. Not because I'm scared of what's waiting afterwards. I don't want this moment to end.  
I know where I am. I know it because I've been her thousands of times before. The familiar smell. _Lemongrass and Mint. _The same bed and pillows. _Soft, but not too soft. _The same temperature. _A little less than room temperature. Because I like it cool.  
_I've fallen asleep in these arms more than I can count. And I'd do it all over again.

As I walk through the doors of Hollywood Arts, his hand is on the small of my back, giving me a little support (I need it).  
With the corner of my eye, I see the musician with dreads making its way towards us. I ignore him, and rush to my scissor designed locker, before he can make up any excuse. _I don't know if I'll hit him if he tries to talk to me. _  
"Jade!" _Leave now. I might not be able to control myself. _"Can I talk to you?"  
_Ignore him. Don't do things you might regret later.  
_"Please," I choke, refusing to look him in the eyes. If I do, I'll only see betrayal of an old _friend. _"Leave. Before I punch the crap out of you."  
"Jade…" The nerd with the black curls appears behind me. "I just wanted to say something."  
"Both of you," I repeat, taking deep breaths. "Go away. Or I swear, I will hit you. And I won't be able to stop myself."  
"Jade?" _Shut up Andre. _"Let us just explain."  
I know I slapped him. I know it because I can see my hand move towards his face. I don't feel it. Not the hit. Nothing.  
"Tori's right," Andre snaps, holding his left cheek. "You have a serious problem, bitch."  
"Now I know why Beck dumped you," Robbie adds and I punch him in the jaw.  
He holds his jaw, and gives me a confused expression before slapping me. _Since when does Robbie hurt people?  
_I hold my cheek, before kicking him in the side. Two strong arms wrap around me (they're not _his)_.  
Andre holds me back, as Robbie stands up, and punches me in my windpipe, forcing me to gasp for air. I hear a few shouts as I try to let the dizziness disappear.  
I see _her. _The cause of my shitty life. It's all _her _fault.  
I struggle against the musician's arms, and sprint towards her. Vega looks at me for a second, before I punch her in the side. She groans, and gives me a confused expression. But that changes as soon as I kick her leg.  
She screams, and punches me in my ear, making me lose vision for a few seconds. In the time I need to recover, she grabs my dark hair and pulls me to the ground.  
I'm kneeling before her, and her knee comes up to my jaw. A loud bang. Screams. I hear his voice (it was always him, right?).  
Another person, shouts for a teacher. I feel something warm spread around my head, and wonder what it is (deep down, I know what it is).  
Again, two arms pull me to my feet, and another punch in my windpipe. My vision is blurry, but not completely gone (it will be, soon).  
I can make out the brunette in front of me, holding up her hand (since when is she so tall?).  
Someone is holding me in place. Not that I'd go anywhere (where would I go?). Another punch. But I don't feel it. I'm too numb to feel anything.

"_Say you love me?"  
"Magic word?"  
"Please?"  
"I love you." _

A kick in my side.

"_You love me again?"  
"Who said I stopped?" _

Knee in my back.

"_Tell me something you like."  
"Like or love?"  
"Love."  
"You." _

His face is everywhere. Everywhere and nowhere. Flashbacks rush before my eyes. The day we met. The day we had our first kiss. Our first anniversary. The first time he had told me he loved me. I had never told him back though. Maybe I will… Someday.

"Jade!" A shout (or was it a whisper?). "Leave her alone!"  
The grip on my arms have softened, and eventually they drop me. My face feels the bitter cold ground as I scream (not that I have a lot of voice left).  
The horrible taste of blood in my mouth, nearly makes me throw up. _Nearly. _I don't care that Vega is kicking my legs. I don't care that Robbie is running away (coward). I don't care that Cat, innocent, sweet young Cat is building up her tears, traumatized to the ground, as she watches the horror in front of her fragile little body.  
I only care about _him. _The boy who saved my life countless of times. The way his longer jaw balances out his bigger nose. His big, magnificent brown eyes, so loving. So hopeful.  
The boy with the dreads. He's smaller than Beck, but moves quicker, and soon, I find Beck in front of me, kneeling as Andre knocked him to the ground. And it's like my body moves automatically.  
I crawl to my feet (ignore the aching in your legs!). Wipe the blood of my face (fuck the throbbing in your head!). Try to grab something, not to fall (the dizziness can go to hell!). And launch myself in between the fighting pair, before serious damage can get to the tanned boy behind me. Maybe it's instinct, because it's what I've been teaching myself to do for the past three years. Maybe it's because he's the only one here, on my side, fighting for me. Or maybe it's because he saved my life countless of times, and this is a way of paying him back. But… Maybe it's because I still care for this boy. Love the feeling of his arms around me when I fall asleep. Enjoy hearing him sing, that one time in a million. Miss him kissing me goodnight, telling me everything will be alright. Maybe I still love Beck Oliver. And maybe… I'll never stop.  
The musician's arm raises, ready to make the final hit, before the perky little red head, jumps on his back and yanks his hair as hard as her weak, shaky hand will allow.  
Andre wasn't planned for a surprise attack, even though Cat's an easy person to fight, he needs time to come to senses.  
Beck uses his time wisely, and kicks Andre in the side, making him fall down. I expect the long haired boy to continue punching him, but he stops, and looks at me. His eyes are the last thing I see.

Pink bed. Pink nightstand. Pink walls. Everything is pink in Cat's room.  
I wake up to her giggle, talking to someone online, giving me a nasty throbbing in the side of my head. I try sit up, but I'm yanked down, as I lose my balance. My lip feels swollen, and my right leg stings.  
"Cat?" I whisper (it's the only thing my voice will allow me to do). "What happened?"  
The little girl turns to face me, and sits down on a (pink) chair besides her bed. She sighs, and gives me a look full of pity and worry, before starting to speak.  
"You got in a huge fight with Tori, Andre and Robbie."

"_Tori's right," Andre snaps, holding his left cheek. "You do have a serious problem, bitch."  
"Now I know why Beck dumped you," Robbie adds, and I punch him in the jaw._

"Tori was beating you while, Andre held you steady. Eventually, Robbie ran away like a coward."

_I can make out the brunette in front of me, holding up her hand (since when is she so tall?).  
Someone is holding me in place. Not that I'd go anywhere (where would I go?). Another punch. But I don't feel it. I'm too numb to feel anything._

"Beck came and tried to help you, but was knocked down by Andre."

"_Jade!" A shout (or was it a whisper?). "Leave her alone!"  
The grip on my arms have softened, and eventually they drop me._

"You stood up, and came in between Andre and Beck. You were stumbling, and your eyes were dull. You looked dead already, Jade."

_I crawl to my feet (ignore the aching in your legs!). Wipe the blood of my face (fuck the throbbing in your head!). Try to grab something, not to fall (the dizziness can go to hell!). And launch myself in between the fighting pair, before serious damage can get to the tanned boy behind me._

"I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped on Andre's back, trying to hold him back. It gave Beck some time to knock him down."

_The musician's arm raises, ready to make the final hit, before the perky little red head, jumps on his back and yanks his hair as hard as her weak, shaky hand will allow._

"That's when you fainted. Beck caught you before you hit the floor, and took you to the nurse. I stayed by your side, until they allowed you to go home. But I know… You have no home. I could've taken you to Beck's RV, but you were still broken up, and…"  
Cat stops for a minute, to swallow a sob.  
"He and Tori haven't broken up yet. I took you here, because I was just wishing you'd forgive me.."  
Her innocent brown eyes remind me why she _was _my best friend. She tried to help me. Even after I told her I hated her.  
"I'm so sorry, Jade." As she continues, a small teardrop rolls down her cheek. "You're my best friend. I was just… Afraid."  
I sigh, and look out the window, into the dark night sky. There's a bright star.  
When I was little, I always thought my dead mother lived in that star. Looking down on me. Protecting me from my father. I talked to that star. Every night. Without fail. I was just wishing, that one day, I'd maybe get a reply. I never did.  
The day I met Beck, was the day I stopped believing she'd come back. I finally got hope, that maybe life can go on. No matter how bad our losses our. That life… Could be good again. I knew that Beck was the only one keeping me alive. Helping me survive it. And that's why I owe him something. And always will.  
"You're forgiven."

.

**Hmmm… Not very proud of it. But who cares? Hehe ;D. I'd love to have more reviews (again thanks everyone who did already!). Get some opinions. I think Robbie is getting more in character… Andre is not, and I apologize. But I don't think it's logical that Tori can beat up Jade by herself (I mean, have you seen Jade?).  
Like it? Dislike it? Love it? Hate it? Please, review, and tell me what you think. **


	8. Forgotten Love

**I wanted to apologize for the long delay. That's why this chapter is a bit longer. I don't like it so much though. It's quite boring :/ (Easy Is Boring, hehe!). But here it is!  
Disclaimer: I DON'T own Victorious (come on!). **

**.**

Liam's house is big. Huge, actually. I don't like it. The empty hallways. The cold tiles on the floor, making your voice echo, a little too much.  
"Liam?" My voice is scratchy. It's soft (too soft). "Is anybody home?"  
The stairs are made up of old wood. It screeches as you touch the fragile bottom. No matter how light you are. Soft music is playing, and I start to make my way towards the room. I knock a few times, but eventually, as I hear no reply, I swing the door open with one foot.  
Liam is on the bed (shirtless) as he's laughing at a few comments on his laptop. I cough a little, dragging his attention towards me, before smiling a little at his surprised face.  
"Hey," I choke out, and wince a few times, holding back the tears (why are you crying?).  
"Hey," he slowly says standing up. The grin curved around his lips almost looks threatening. Almost. "I've missed you."  
Without any warning, I feel my back slammed into the wall, as his lips roughly push against mine. His hands squeeze my waist (too tight) and his (bare) chest is pressed against me. I can barely breathe.

_His lips are soft. Yet, rough. It's the perfect mix of passionate and smooth. His hands are firmly around my waist. Not too tight. Not too loose. Perfect. He leaves just a little space in between us (he always does) for me to fill. When I'm ready to fill it. Which I always do, as my arms find a way around his neck, through his long, soft hair. _

My shirt is off (when did that happen?) and the cool breeze is giving me goose bumps. Liam's cold lips are nibbling on my neck (too hard). The pain reminds me why I'm here. What we're doing.  
"Stop." It doesn't sound convincing. It's a small faint, blown away by a little groan. "Please."  
"C'mon." His mumbling is irritating me. "This is why you came in the first place, isn't it?"  
"No." It's supposed to be stern. It's supposed to sound confident. Instead, my voice is shaking, and my body is shivering. "It's not."  
"Jade." Liam looks me in the eyes, as his smile disappears. "Come on."  
"No," I scream, as I try to stand up, but Liam is quicker.  
"God damn it," he yells, and his sudden outbursts surprises me. I've never seen him angry. Ever. "Why do you always have to complicate things?"  
His (strong) arms pin me to the bed as I struggle.  
"Let go of me!" I scream, and try to kick him, but he dodges my leg holding me down even harder. "I mean it!"  
I spit in his face, while trying to push him off. But his (gigantic) hand raises and slaps me. I taste the bitter liquid in my mouth, and swallow the sour substance coming up my throat.  
"How dare you, bitch?" Liam snaps in my face, and I feel tears dragging its way out of my dull eyes.  
"Let me go." My voice is not shaking anymore. It's finally stern. Confident. "Now."  
"No."

There is a dark bruise on my hip. A finger print. A cut in my lip, that I'm desperately covering up with my make-up. Cat is impatiently, screaming that we're going to be late. Not that I care. Today, Andre and Tori come back from their week suspension. Robbie got away before any teacher found out what was happening.  
"Jade!" Her voice is high-pitched. "We're going to be late!"  
"Hang on," I yell as I apply eye-liner to my second eye. "I'm almost done."  
I grab my black purse, and stomp out the bathroom, as Cat bounces after me, into her car.  
"Are you okay?" The whisper is so soft I barely hear it (you'll find out eventually). "You seem distracted. Is it because Tori and Andre are coming back today?"  
"No." Too quick. She's going to notice something's off. "Just… A little tired."  
"Okay."

Sikowitz notices the tension between his classmates, and nervously continues to talk about the new play he's directing. It's called 'Coloring The Roses Red' and is supposed to be a hopeless romantic. I'm not a fan of sappy plays, but this one has an interesting touch. I can't really explain it.  
"We will do auditions now," Sikowitz exclaims as he claps his hand excitedly. "We will start with Andre and Tori."  
As I see Tori's skinny legs walk up the small stage (they've never really left the attention), I know she's going to get the part. Her flawless acting. Her perfect attitude towards every character. Her connection with the others. Ever since she set foot in this building, she has had every single role in the plays. Even Beck didn't support me. How long has he been in love with this girl for?  
"I can't do this," Tori sighs, turning away from Andre's body. "I just can't."  
"Lily," Andre starts, twisting her around. "I love you. Always have."  
"I can't trust you anymore," Tori mumbles, looking into Andre's eyes (jackass). "I'm sorry."  
A loud applause interrupts the couple in front of us (no one could interrupt them).  
"Brilliant!" Sikowitz compliments (since when does he say brilliant?). "That was fantastic."  
He turns towards us, as we expectantly wait for the next candidates. Not Beck and I, not Beck and I, not Beck and I…  
"Beck and Jade."

_Beck and Jade. Jade and Beck. It's finally official. The beach is a magical place as the sun goes down. It gives the ocean a soothing presence. It's beautiful.  
"Do you love me Beck?"  
Silence. It killed me. I knew he was going to say no. That it was too early to think about these sort of things. But I wanted to know if there was commitment. I wanted to know if these feelings inside of me had a right to take me over like this.  
Because I like Beck Oliver. There, I said it. But I won't say it again. _

"What?" It's out before my mind knows what it's doing. "What?"  
"You heard me," Sikowitz replies, taking a sip from his coconut. "On stage. Both of you."  
"Can I have a different partner?" I exclaim, ignoring the tanned boy to my left (you never really ignored him). "Anyone."  
"No," Sikowitz states, dragging me on stage. "And… Action!"  
I grab the base of my nose, trying to get into character. I can't break down. Not here. Not now.  
"I can't do this." It's almost a whisper. My throat is dry, and it hurts to push the words over my lips. "I just can't."  
"Lily," Beck mumbles, grabbing my wrist, twisting me around. I can feel his breath against my cold skin. His heart beat, going quicker by the second. "I love you. Always have."  
"Do you really mean that Beck?" The whisper is out. No one heard me. He did (but he always heard you).  
"It's Marty," he whispers in my ear, making the hairs on my neck stand up by his closeness. He holds back a little, and the spark between real life and his famous acting turns, as he's back in character.  
"I can't trust you anymore." My voice is shaky. I'm almost stuttering. Almost. "I'm sorry."  
A single tear manages to escape my left eye, and Beck quickly wipes it away before anyone can notice. The touch of his thumb on my cheek makes me shiver, and I turn away from him, walking towards the perky red-head, having a conversation with Robbie.  
"Okay." Sikowitz claps his hands, and looks at the little paper in front of him with the results. It takes a while before everyone gets settled down. "I will call out your name and the role you're playing. If you didn't get a part, I will find a backstage job for you to do. Sounds good?"  
A few groan, and others nod in agreement. I keep quiet as I'm hanging on Sikowitz' words. She can't get it again. She can't win again. She just… Can't.  
"Andre, you will be playing James." Andre smiles a little as Beck congratulates him. I notice the way Tori sadly looks over, and quickly down. Haven't they worked it out yet?  
"Cat, you will be playing Maya." Cat giggles a little, and I give her a quick smile, before turning my head again.  
"Pat, you will be playing Holden." Pat's head turns towards his friends, as they slap him on the shoulder to congratulate him.  
"Beck, you will be playing Marty." Of course. He always gets the main character. He's the best actor (and the best liar). It wouldn't surprise me, if he becomes famous one day.  
"And, Lily will be played by…" I hear a few hold their breaths. Tori confidently sits backwards in her seat, as she waits for the ending. I grab Cat's arm a little, squeezing a little too hard, but she doesn't say anything about it (never has). "Jade."  
I release my breath, and find a curved smile form around my lips. After a long struggle, I let it stay there. I won. I finally beat Vega.  
"What?" A loud, high-pitched voice interrupts the silence (it's her). "What?"  
"Jade got the part," Sikowitz starts, nervously scratching his head. "Tori, I-"  
"She got the part?" Vega exclaims, standing up from her seat. My head shoots up by the sudden movement. "That, got the part?"  
"Excuse me?" I hiss, standing up. I feel a small hand, slowly pulling me back to my seat, but I remain standing (I always have). "What did you just say?"  
"Oh, nothing," the brunette casually mumbles. "Just that you're not good enough to be in any play."  
"What?" I scream, and a few murmurs go around. "Bitch, I got the part because I'm the better actress."  
"Right," Tori sarcastically says, pushing me backwards a little. "Guess you're also the better one at playing 'prostitute'."  
"Tori." It's him (it always was, right?). "Maybe you should cool it.."  
"No!" Tori yells, as her face becomes red. "Tell him, Jade. Tell him how you fuck everyone ever since you two have broken up. Tell him how you only used him for your own entertainment."  
"That's not true, I-"  
A stinging pain goes through my cheek, making my words trail off. I bring my hand up to my cheek, and feel the heat and the glow. Vega (fucking Vega) lowers her hand, at her successful attempt on slapping me.  
My hand starts to move in a fist, and I punch her in the stomach. She groans, and spits in my face, before the tanned boy stands in between us.  
"Jade." His voice. Calm. Collected (just like him). "Stop."  
"Beck, I-"  
"No," he defends himself, looking over at a curled up brunette. "Don't you dare touch my girlfriend."  
I slapped him. His cheek is red. His expression is blank. But I slapped him. And I can't take it back.  
"Fuck you," I mumble, before storming out of class.  
"Jade!" His voice. Far away (run quicker!). "Wait!"  
His (strong) hand catches my wrist, as he twists me around. Tears are streaming down my face. But I don't care. I don't fucking care.  
He releases me, by the look on my face, and gives me a look full of sympathy (you don't care!).  
"Leave me alone, please?" I cry, inching backwards. "Just, please, leave me alone, okay?"  
"Jade," he starts, but stops as I shake my head. His eyes are brown (always have been).  
"I can take care of myself." My voice is shaking (get control of yourself!). "And I obviously have to."  
"What does that mean?" His tone is confusing. Since when does he act like this (maybe he always was, you were just too blind to notice).  
"You've always defended her!" I scream. It's out (but it was obvious, right?). "Ever since she put her perfect, skinny body through these hallways, you've done nothing but defend her. Since when were you in love with her Beck? Since when did the spark between us stop?"  
"You want to know why I defended her?" His sudden outburst is strange. He always has a warning look on his face before he's about to strike. "Because I thought you could take care of yourself. I always thought you were strong enough. You always defended yourself perfectly fine in our personal arguments, but when it came to Tori, you… Seemed to forget that I loved you, Jade."  
Silence. He's not lying. I know it by the glow in his eyes. The way his hands are relaxed by his side. He's not lying. He's not (fucking) lying.  
"You're an asshole!" The frustration. The anger. The pain. "You know that?"  
"Maybe I am," he retorts, still holding his posture. "But I'm the only asshole here, who gives a shit about you!"

**.**

**This is it for today. I'm really tired, so this probably sucked, right?  
Like it? Dislike it? Love it? Hate it? Please, review, and tell me your view **


	9. The 'Date'

**Sorry I haven't uploaded in a while. I quickly finished this in the evening, so it won't be great.  
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VICTORIOUS (come on people!) **

.

"No!" Sikowitz interrupts our scene (again). "You're doing it all wrong. I want to see the love connection between you two."  
He taps his foot rapidly, as I sit down on one of the chairs. Practice hasn't gone so great, the past couple of days (it never did).  
"I'm sorry," Beck sighs, motioning towards Sikowitz. "We're just a little off these days."  
"Well," Sikowitz states (this is bad). "You've got to be turned on. You two are going on a date."  
"What?" I snap, holding back the urge to punch Sikowitz right there and then. "I'm not going on a date with him."  
It doesn't sound convincing. My posture is down, and my voice is soft. Nothing about me is believable anymore, lately (it never was, right?).  
"Too bad," Sikowitz retorts, grinning a little. "Then you should be in love with him. Both of you, meet me at Karaoke Dokie, at 7 p.m. sharp."  
"But.." I have no argument. What's the point (there was never a point)?  
"Let's go, Beck," Tori spits, shooting me a quick glare before dragging him away.  
"I'll see you tonight!" It's the last thing I hear, before they turn the corner, and I walk away with Cat.

"Jade?" The boy with the dreads. The musician. The _traitor. _"I just want to talk to you."  
Sikowitz' classroom has never looked this empty before. The look in Andre's eyes tell me he feels guilty. Exhausted. Maybe I should give him a chance.. Maybe.  
"I'm listening." My voice is soft (it has never managed to be loud again, after…).  
"I'm really sorry," he whispers, refusing to look me in the eyes. "What I did was…"  
There's a long pause. An awkward one. I find myself fumbling with the buttons of my shirt, as he coughs a little.  
"I'm just really sorry." His voice is a bit louder, but the crack remains (it might never disappear). "I should've never done that. I should've never locked you up in that closet. You're claustrophobic. I don't know what was wrong with me. And when we were beating you half to death… I just…"  
His eyes are dark brown. His smile is always so contagious. His laugh is quite beautiful. I've always considered the mystery of this musician attractive. I never fell for him, but he was like a brother to me. Even Vega took this friendship away from me…  
"I…" I could do it. I could forgive him. Forget the terrible things he has done to me. Forget this all happened, and go back to where we used to stand. But something is stopping me. _Nothing will ever be the same. _And that something is right. Beck and I are broken up. Andre hurt me. Everyone hates me. Nothing _can _ever be the same. "I need time."

Karaoke Dokie is quite crowded. I haven't been here ever since the last time. Beck and I…  
"Ah!" Sikowitz' voice is clearly heard above the irritating the noise. "Jade's here!"  
I start walking towards the two people sitting in the corner of the bar. I roll my eyes by Sikowitz' enthusiastic chatting.  
"You two are going to stay here until midnight," he states, standing up from his seat. "And you're not allowed to leave."  
"Why not?" Beck disappointedly asks Sikowitz (he doesn't want to be here with _me). _"You won't notice if we just stand up and leave."  
"Oh," Sikowitz excitedly exclaims. "I will. I've got the boss take a look after you two. Sinjin wasn't available. I'll see you two on Monday."  
His footsteps have a strange rhythm. I follow his uneven pace until he's out of sight, and turn myself towards the boy sitting a few meters away from me.  
"We don't need to talk." It's a simple statement. But I need to choke out the words. I haven't been alone with Beck for a while. It's nerve-racking.  
"Okay."

'_Some day, I'll let you in,  
Treat you right, drive you out of your mind.'  
As is turn my posture, I feel Beck's eyes all over me. A few lines make him notice me. It's not very hard. It never has been.  
His smile is hard to see through his dark eyes, but I notice it. And I love it. _

"Does anyone else want to do a song?" The host's voice is heard, but it doesn't reach me. I sip on my ice-latté and watch a few girls giggle, and point at Beck. For once, I allow myself to feel it again. The anger. The jealousy. The way these girls look at this boy. For once, I allow to let me be his girlfriend again.  
"Hey!" I yell, towards those girls, as they shockingly take their eyes from this boy next to me, to me. "We are on a date. So back off."  
I grab Beck's arm (it's muscular), and walk towards the host, announcing a duet.  
"We'll sing," I mumble, going through the papers, as my eye lands on one particular song. It's ours. He'd always sing it to me at such occasions. "One more night."  
I feel Beck's glare going through me, but I ignore it (you can't!).  
The music starts to play, and I quickly give Beck the microphone. He's still surprised by my song choice but quickly recovers and joins me on stage.  
"You and I go hard at each other, like we're going to war."

"_Maybe it was 'A'!" His voice was so full of anger, it scared me.  
"I don't care!" The recovery in my voice holds back the tears that are sure to come.  
"I'm not happy with our relationship!"_

"You and I get rough, we keep throwing things, and slamming the door."

"_If I get to ten, and you're not out there, I'm going home. And we're over." I knew it. I knew it the moment those words came out, we were going to break up. The spark in his eyes told me he wasn't coming. But it was too late. _

"You and I get so dysfunctional, we stopped keeping score."

"_One!" Come Beck.  
"Two!" Don't leave me out here.  
"Three!" Where is he?  
"Four!" Footsteps. They're coming nearer. Hope comes back.  
"Five!" They're his.  
"Six!" A loud bang? Shouting and screaming.  
"Seven!" More footsteps. They're moving rapidly.  
"Eight!" Why is the door not opening?  
"Nine!" Please.  
"Ten!" _

"You and I get sick, yeah, I know that we can't do this no more."

"_You know what?" My hands are shaking, and my head is about to collapse. I'm going to do it. I'm going to break up with him.  
"No, don't tell him what." Vega. Tori (fucking) Vega. She had to interfere. The anger builds up inside as I feel the blood streaming through my veins.  
"Tell me what." He can't wait. He's eager…  
"We're done." _

"But baby there you go again, there you go again, making me love you."

"_Say you love me?" My voice has never sounded this desperate before.  
"Magic word." He's teasing me. He always has.  
"Please?" Innocent. Weak. Everything I don't want to be.  
"I love you." _

"And I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go."

"_Beck and I aren't splits-ville." I don't say it with much confidence. What if he thinks differently about our relationship?  
"Well…" There it is. He's going to say he doesn't want me anymore.  
"Is there something you want to talk about?"  
"Just kidding." _

"Got you stuck on my body, on my body, like a tattoo."

"_I've missed you." I was waiting for this. Waiting for him to tell me these words.  
"So what are you going to do about it?" _

"And now I'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid, crawling back to you."

"_You love me again?" I get a little bit of hope. Maybe we will work this time. Maybe…  
"Who said I stopped?" _

Loud cheering, and enthusiastic applause is heard after I take a little bow, and hand the microphone to the first person that crosses my path. I sit back in my bar chair, satisfied with my performance (no you're not).  
The actor eventually joins me (what took him so long?).  
"So how's your new boyfriend?" Beck's voice isn't warning. Aggressive. It's calm. Cool. Collected (just like him). "Liam was his name right?"  
I nod. I will cry if I say another word. The last time…

"_Bitch!" My lip is bleeding. My face is wet (with tears, or blood?). "You have to listen to me."  
"Leave me alone!" I cry as I try to kick him. "You asshole! Leave me alone!"  
"Fucking slut!" His voice is harsh (he's good at pretending). My shorts are being ripped off as he unbuckles his belt.  
"Stop!" Begging (since when do I beg?). "Please!" _

A beep interrupts my urge to cry. I quickly hide my face, and focus on the screen.  
_Come here. I need you.  
_Liam (of course it's him!). I bite my lip (too hard). I taste blood as I feel the first tear crawl out of my eye (fuck, why are you so weak?).  
A familiar hand slowly wipes away the tear (it will never really dry). "Are you okay?"  
"Yeah." A whisper. Nothing more.  
_Can't. I'm at rehearsal.  
_"Do you have to go?" It doesn't sound threatening. Almost normal. Almost.  
"No." My stubbornness is not clever at this point. But I can't think straight. I can't think…  
_No, you're not. You're at Karaoke Dokie with your 'friend'.  
_Shit (he knows!). He (fucking) knows.  
_It's for the play.  
_Lies (always were).  
"Are you sure you don't have to leave?" He sounds worried (always has). "I'd understand."  
_Bitch, if you're not here in the next ten minutes, I guess I'll have to pay that little 'friend' of yours a visit..  
_Fuck! He's dragging Beck in it. I can't do that to him. He doesn't deserve this (you don't either!).  
"I have to go!" I quickly retort, as I pick my purse. "I'm sorry. Will you please tell Sikowitz it was an emergency?"  
"Okay." His voice is suspicious. His eyes are worried. But I can't. I can't endanger his life for mine (he'd do the same for you!).  
_I'm coming. Just… Please don't hurt him. _

_._

**This is it for tonight. Hope you liked it. I needed to make a new 'bad' person, and Tori & Andre are becoming boring (and out of character). So I decided to make Jade's life real bad, with her current boyfriend abusing her… :/ (I know, I'm mean, but it's for the sake of the story!).  
Like it? Dislike it? Love it? Hate it? Please let me now, and review. (Thanks for everyone that reviewed! Feels awesome!) **


	10. The Truth

**Alright, I first want to apologize, because it has been MONTHS before I posted this one :/ I'm really sorry, I've been extremely busy lately, and I'm writing a different story too, (and I had to get ideas for this one), so it took me a while. This is quite a long chapter. Many surprises, more Bade, and this is definitely not the end, because I have a lot more planned **** Hope you like it. **

.

"Jade?" Cat's voice is heard from above. What's the time? "Is that you?"  
"It's me, Cat!" I retort, kicking off my boots. 3:19 a.m. Shit. "Sorry I'm late."  
"It's okay." It doesn't sound convincing (never did). She's going to find out. She's…

_Come over, I'm bored.  
_Fuck (relax!). I shift in my seat, as Sikowitz groans by the sound of a phone (he'll want to know).  
"Who's that?" (Don't reply him!). "Who is it?"  
Eyes go around, but none stop on my face. I'm unnoticeable (always was).  
"Sorry," I squeak, starting to type a quick reply. "It's my mother."  
Lies (she's dead).  
_Can't, I'm in class.  
_Please, leave me alone for once. Please, just…  
_Skip class. Or your 'friend' will have to skip the next class. Or the one after that…  
_"Got to go!" I rush, as I reach the door in two steps. "My dad has gotten into an accident."  
The actor to my right gives me a weird look (ignore it). He knows my mum is dead (everyone else will find out). He knows my dad is abusive (why would he care?). He knows I would never skip class for them (never). He knows I'm lying.  
_I'm coming. Leave Beck out of this. _

Another bruise under my jaw. The fingerprints on my hips aren't disappearing. They'll find out. Eventually…  
"Oh!" A faint sigh from the perky little redhead next door. "Jade, come see this!"  
I quickly pull down my shirt, as I slowly walk towards the (pink) room a few meters away from me. Cat is on her bed, giggling at the screen on her laptop and I join her.  
"We're having another movie night." No. The screaming. The tight ropes around my wrists. My dad's voice haunting me. The song…  
"No." It could be believable if it didn't sound soft. Or weak (oh my…). "I'm not going."  
"Don't worry," Cat retorts, still focused on the bright screen in front of her. "It's at Beck's RV. No one can hurt you. Besides, we don't have to bring anything."

"Hey Beck!" Cat exclaims as she gives the tanned boy a quick hug before passing him inside his broad RV.  
"Hey," I whisper, refusing to look him in the eyes. They'll be full of pity. I don't want any pity. "What movie are we watching?"  
"The Scissoring," Andre retorts, as he sits down onto the couch, holding the remote. "Where's your boyfriend Jade? You didn't invite him?"  
I quickly shake my head, and Robbie gives me a strange look. "Invite him. We want to meet him."  
"Okay." The choking sound remains unnoticed, as I quickly text Liam. Tears are blurring up my eyes, and I blink them away.  
_You want to come over to Beck's RV, for movie night? Everyone wants to meet you.  
_Please say no… Please say you have something better to do…  
_Okay, I'll come.  
_Fuck.

A knock disturbs the silence around us and I quickly stand up, ready to open the door.  
"Hey," I whisper as I see Liam's vicious face. He tries to give me a kiss, but I turn my face, dodging the embracement, and lead him towards the others (you need to get out of there!).  
"This is Liam," I mumble, glancing over at everyone. Andre smiles politely to the boy behind me, and Cat waves quickly before looking over at Robbie. Vega and Beck are making out on their bed, and I quickly join Cat on the ground. Liam sits down next to me, wrapping his arm around me (too tight).  
"I'm bored," Cat eventually sighs, as she, without warning, turns off the television. "Let's play a game!"  
"Sure," Robbie replies, agreeing with everything the red-head has to suggest. "How about Truth or Dare?"  
"I'm in." Andre's grin quite scares me. He's up to something (of course he is). "You Jade?"  
I nod, knowing that whatever objection I make, will be turned against me.  
"What about you guys?" Andre yells, snapping his fingers, trying to get the 'lovebirds' attention. "You're in for 'Truth or Dare?'"  
"What?" Beck's face is flushed, as his hands are still placed on Tori's (bare) waist. "Oh, yeah. We'll play."  
"Yay!" The red head shrieks. "Me first! Andre, truth or dare?"  
"Truth," Andre chuckles, and I push out a smile. Just play along (you can't).  
"Did you ever have a crush on Jade?" What kind of question is that? Of course he didn't. It's Andre.  
"Yeah," he mumbles, avoiding my gaze as my mouth drops. When did this happen (you know when)?  
"Liam," Andre starts, looking at the boy next to me. His eyes. They'd be gentle if they didn't spit fire into me. "Truth or dare?"  
"Truth." His reply is cool. Calm. Everything he isn't.  
"Who was your first girlfriend?" Andre asks, smirking slightly. He's up to something (always was).  
"Jade," Liam simply replies, looking at me. His arm squeezes my shoulder, and I know what he wants… "Oliver, truth or dare?"  
Beck looks quite shocked by the slight aggression in 'Oliver'. But he's a good actor, and refuses to show his fear.  
"Dare." Anyone would've found it brave. Anyone but me.  
"So," Liam's grin starts to grow bigger (this is bad). "You're a dare-devil, aren't you? I dare you to… Make out with that pretty girl next to you."  
"Tori?" Beck looks confused (he should be). "She's my girlfriend, that's not really challenging."  
"Just do it," Liam snaps, as Beck leans forward and starts to embrace Vega. I look away, wincing slightly by Liam's laughter, and the torture he makes me go through.  
"I guess the game is done," Robbie implies, pointing at the couple that certainly want us to leave.  
"Phooey!" Cat pouts, crossing her arms. "Let's go Jade, I'm tired."  
I try to stand up, but a strong arm yanks my hair and pulls me back to the ground.  
"You're not going anywhere," Liam mumbles in my ear, as he takes my hand and recovers himself. "Don't worry Cat, I'll take her."  
"No," I hiss, slipping away from his eager arms. "I'm going with Cat."  
"What?" His tone frightens me. His glare intimidates me.  
"I'm going with Cat," I shakily mumble, avoiding his vicious eyes.  
"Alright," he says, taking a quick look at Beck. "I guess you leave me no choice."  
In a few seconds, I manage to follow his rush, as he pulls the actor off Vega, and yells a few things. My ears are beeping. My mind is drowning (it always was). Dizziness is taking over, and my legs give up.  
Andre tries to help the tanned boy, but is quickly knocked out by the rapist (he's strong). A punch in the face. A bleeding nose. The singer, hysterically screaming, tears streaming down her innocent (lies) face.  
The nerd with black curls, holds back the redhead, shakily trying to reach his cell-phone, but is stopped by a kick in his windpipe. He trips. He falls. He pulls the innocent girl to the ground. She screams (you can't hear her). I know it by her open mouth. By her panicked look. I can't hear her. I can't hear anything.  
Something's glistening in Liam's hand. It's metal. It's sharp (Beck's dying). Vega crawls towards me. I see it in a blur. I don't take my eyes off the actor. The boy.  
The rapist is holding a weapon (a knife). Using it against the actor. Blood is dripping down Beck's lip. His eyes full of tears (they were never dry). The look in his eyes remind me why I'm here. Right now. At this moment. To help him. As he has always helped me.  
The ground stops moving, and my legs strengthen. I crawl, getting my hearing back, wishing I didn't. The painful groans. Liam's evil laughter. I want to hide. Hide away from all the hurt and all the pain. Where no one can harm me. But I need him. I _need _him.  
It's a risk. A dangerous one. But he's worth it. He was always worth fighting for.  
I jump. I scream. I cry. I win. Liam wasn't expecting an attack from behind, and it gives me time to pull him off Beck.  
"Leave him alone!" It's scratchy. It's broken. It's for him (it always was, right?).  
Beck looks me into the eyes, and I find nothing (it's your fault).  
"Bitch!" The rapist takes a moment, before hitting me across the face. A stinging pain spreads through my numb body (get hold of yourself!). "You worthless cunt!" Another kick in my windpipe (gasping for air). "You ruined everything!"  
"Get off her!" His voice. Powerful. "Asshole!"  
The weight on top of me quickly vanishes, and I inhale deeply. I look over at Beck kicking Liam, yelling him to get out, or he'll get the cops. The rapist knows he's lost to battle, and goes out, whereby Beck locks the door, and runs over to Vega, who's freaking out on the cold floor (it's all an act).  
I crawl over to Andre, who's rubbing his head gently.  
"Are you okay?" I whisper, not being able to make eye contact with the musician (you never were).  
"Yeah," he mumbles. I hear a slight crack (faded).  
"I'm sorry." It's loud enough so everyone can hear it (that's the point). "I'm really sorry."  
"It's not your fault," Andre replies, wrapping an arm around me gently (it feels safe). "This wasn't your fault."  
The silence that follows is haunting. I feel the cold tears drying. Tori stands up, and collapses on the couch. Cat holds Robbie's hand, and seats herself in one of the chairs. My shaking is continuing rapidly, and Andre grips a tighter hold on me, but it isn't working (it's because you need him).  
"Jade?" An echoing noise (was it Cat?). "Are you okay?"  
The shivering continues, and I feel weight pushing away from me (it's the musician). All the eyes are on me, I can feel it (never lie). I cover my ears against the cruel sounds but it isn't working (they'll be heard). I scream, trying to overcome his attack (louder). I kick. I hit. I punch. All air (no bodies found).  
"Jade?" His voice. It's the actor (again). Shadows surround me (he's coming).  
"What's happening?" The nerd (Robbie Shapiro).  
"Jade?" The red head (Cat Valentine). My best friend. "It's not funny anymore Jade!"  
"Everybody, get out the way!" His shouting cools my spine (don't cry). "Give her some space."  
"You know what's going on, Beck?" Vega (shut up!).  
"She's having an attack." A whisper (soothing, calm). "I've dealt with it before."  
"What do you usually do?" The musician (why is everybody here?).  
"Try and get her out of the dark world she's living in right now," he mumbles, and I feel a hand touch my knee gently (kick it away!). Trust is gone.  
"Leave me alone!" I cry, kicking the substance (it's Beck). I shut my eyes, trying to block everything (it's becoming worse).  
"It's me." Don't trust it. "Jade, it's me."  
"No," I hiss (it's Liam). "You're him. You're coming for me."  
"I'm not him," he whispers, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I'm Beck."  
I try to relax (you can't). His voice is still echoing around.

"_Bitch!"_

Two (strong) arms wrap around me.

"_You worthless cunt!" _

I form into a tiny ball. I can feel his heart beat against my chest (hold me tighter).

"_You ruined everything!" _

"Shut up!" I cry, trying to get out. Get out of these cruel nightmares. But this is reality. No dream could feel so real.  
The actor's arms are familiar. Holding me tighter than anyone ever has. And all of a sudden, it's not Liam's voice I hear, taunting me. It's his.

'_Just close your eyes.' _

His warmth gives me strength.

'_The sun is going down.' _

His whispering is soothing.

'_You'll be alright.' _

His strong arms protect me.

'_No one can hurt you now.' _

Slowly, I take my hands of my ears.

'_Come morning light.'_

As the tears dry (they'll come back), I feel the sleep overcoming my consciousness, and I slowly go on an endless journey in my head (get me out). I'm safe, in his arms, protected by his words. But for how long?

'_You and I'll be safe and sound.' _

_._

**Like it? Love it? Dislike it? Hate it? Please review, and let me know ;)  
(This is a confusing chapter, especially the end, so if you have any questions, just put it in the reviews, I'll answer them). **


	11. Because Of You

**Haai, ;) Took me a while, and I have so many ideas, that I'll be writing a lot :3  
Not too proud of this chapter, but it'll do. Hope you enjoy, reviews will be appreciated :D**

**.**

The song. His arms. The protection.  
It's all faded away (it was never there). My mind is drowning in a pool of agony. I try to open my eyes, get out of the dreading nightmares, but all I find is darkness (never will the light return). The screaming begins (it never ended, right?).  
I hear a girl's voice. Is it… Cat?  
"Beck!" she screams, and I feel movement next to me. "Beck! Please wake up!"  
I hear a soft groan (it's him). A shift movement. Eyes are laid on me.  
"Fuck," he mutters under his breath (he can hear me). I hear his familiar footsteps rushing towards me. "Jade?"  
A shadow is above me. I know my eyes are open. I know it by the multiple blinking I'm forced to do. I know it by the tears that are streaming out. I can't see anything. I'm lost.  
"Beck," Cat screams. She's further away now. "Her eyes!"  
"I know," I hear Beck mumble above me (bring me to him). "Jade?"  
I continue the screaming (no you don't). It's becoming softer. My throat is sore. I stop the wrestling against his arms (calm down). Instead, I listen to his magical voice.  
"It's okay," he whispers, close enough for me to hear it. "I'm right here. It's okay."  
Light spreads through my pupils, as a blur hovers above me (it's him). His eyes are filled with soft tears, worriedly, looking for any signs of life.  
"Beck," I manage to choke out.  
He smiles his famous smile, and I find myself returning it (not reaching your eyes). The tears stream down my face, as his strong arms hold me tight (tighter). I dig my nails into his shirt, knowing it must've hurt. But he doesn't wince as I pull back slightly looking over at the others.  
Cat's shaking (the usual). Robbie is holding her, not letting her out of his side (protective). Tori almost looks… Upset? Andre whispers a few words in her ears (shutting us out).  
"Maybe we should all try and sleep again," Beck suggests, catching everyone's attention. They nod (lifeless). Cat wants to climb onto Beck's bed again, but the boy stops her (why?). "Cat, why don't you stay with Robbie? Andre and Tori can take the couch. I'll stay with Jade. Just in case."  
He motions towards me, and I swallow the lump in my throat (nod, you idiot). I notice I'm wearing one Beck shirts (your shirt). I used to wear it often in his RV. It has got a mix of coffee & vanilla on it. Our smells.  
I lay my head down on (his) pillow. I refuse to close my eyes, knowing once they're shut, darkness will surround me and murder me on the inside (and on the outside). Everyone else gets ready, waiting for the morning to come, and save them (but no one can be saved). Except Beck. I feel his eyes piercing through me, though I don't give him a single glance (lies). Eventually, I turn my head, meeting his gaze (they always met).  
"Try to sleep," he whispers (no one will ever hear him).  
"I can't," I sob, fighting the tears (weak). "He'll come."  
"No," Beck mumbles, turning his full body towards me (you could touch him). "He won't. I'm right here. I'll always be."  
"You," I stutter, closing my eyes briefly before continuing. "You don't know what he did to me."  
"Help me understand," he retorts, as I take my gaze towards the ceiling again (refusing).  
"His name is Liam," I begin, blinking slowly (tears have dried). "I dated him before I transferred to Hollywood Arts when I was twelve."  
I feel his eyes lay on me with sympathy (never). I take a deep (shaky) breath before continuing my worst nightmare.  
"He was my first boyfriend. The first cut is the deepest. We broke up once I got my acceptance letter from Hollywood Arts. I thought I'd never see him again. Until the day he showed up, five months after we broke up."  
I look at the actor with the corner of my eye (sneaky).  
"We started dating again. It was more of a trick to get over you. We did…" I take a pause, wanting to know the actor's reaction. He stays quiet (the usual). "A few things. I always stopped him. And I thought he respected my decision of waiting."  
I can almost feel Beck cringing next to me (almost). Maybe he does care (no, he doesn't).  
"He raped me."  
That was the drop (of course). Tears are scarring my (pale) face, and Beck pulls me closer than ever before. I turn my body towards him (quickly) and form myself into a tiny ball, entangled in his arms. My chest is buried deep in his (bare) chest, as he strokes my (wild) hair.  
"I'm sorry." It's the last thing I hear before my eyes shut.

It's the first night in months that I don't have nightmares (they'll come back). I wake up in the same position, his arms, still draped around me (always).  
I try to move as slowly as possible, not wanting to wake him up (slower!). But his breathing becomes quicker, and his eyes swiftly fly open (beautiful).  
"Hey," I whisper (too loud).  
"No nightmares?" he asks, softening his voice at the word 'nightmares'.  
I shake my head gently, and I get a smile in return (fake).  
"Should we wake the others?" I ask, hoping he'll say no. I want to spend some time alone with him (you'll never get that again).  
"Yeah," he mumbles, walking over to his brunette girlfriend (always). He softly shakes her shoulders, and whispers something in her ear. I ignore the stab in my chest, and rush over to the redhead, who would be more than enthusiastic to see me okay (but you're not).  
I give her a slight push on her back, and her eyes fly open (brown, innocent). She smiles (she always does) when she sees my face, and spreads her arms for a tender hug. I return it reluctantly, before releasing myself, and giving Robbie a kick (you're still Jade).  
Andre wakes up (next to Vega) and stands up, crouching behind me.  
"I should probably go home," he says, looking over at everyone (hanging onto Tori's gaze). "Grandma will be worried."  
A few nod, others stay quiet (you).  
"Me too," Robbie announces, uncovering himself from the blankets. "I left Rex alone."  
"Trina is home alone," Tori retorts, stepping away from Beck (why?). "She's probably freaking out or something."  
"I'll drive you," Beck suggests, touching the small of her back (don't cry).  
I wait until everyone leaves, before I take off Beck's shirt, and search for any clothes I might've left at his RV six months ago (no). I can only find the dress I wore the night we got back together (pull yourself together). I gave it to him, as symbol of our relationship, that was, at the time, more stable than ever (not anymore).  
I leave it hanging, getting a surprised look from Cat (she's always shocked).  
"Aren't you going to take it with you?" Cat asks, trying to find something in my eyes (she won't find anything). "Is it the dress you wore at the Full Moon Jam? About a year ago?"  
I nod, trying to swallow the lump in my throat (it isn't working).  
"I'm sorry," she mumbles, giving me a hug. "We should go. Just put Beck's shirt back on. I'll give it to him some other time."  
I remain silent throughout the car ride. My mind is flashing memories, good and bad. My mother's smile. My father's abuse. Cat's giggle. Vega's perfectness. Liam's evil laughter. Beck's song.  
It's all too much (overloading).  
"You still love him?" Cat mumbles, focusing on the road. "Don't you?"  
My silence answers her question, as I feel her nod (calm).  
"I'm sorry," she whispers, and I hear the crack slightly. "It must be hard. Seeing him with someone else. Especially Tori."  
I once again reply with a glance, and start to softly sing a song (powerful).

'Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk.'

"_Fuck off!" My screeching shocks him. "I hate you."  
"Jade," he starts, touching my shoulder. "It didn't mean anything."  
"You cheated on me," I choke, slapping away his firm grip.  
"It was a stage kiss," he yells, grabbing my wrists. I fight, but it's no use. "I love you, Jade." _

'Because of you, I learned to play on the save side so I don't get hurt.'

"_Bitch!" He spits, throwing my cup of coffee, across the RV, breaking it against the metal wall. "Can you shut the fuck up, and listen to me for once?"  
"You never listen to me!" I snap back, as I dump his punch over his precious hair. "Asshole!" _

'Because of you, I find it hard to trust, not only me, but everyone around me.'

"_You love her," I mumble, refusing to face him. "Don't you?"  
"No," he says, confidently, tilting my chin. "I don't. And I never will."  
"You're a liar," I reply, spitting in his face. "You're a filthy, pathetic liar."  
"Jade, listen to me," His tone gets worse. "I love you. No one else."  
"Liar!" I scream, digging my nails into his skin. "I love you has eight letters, but baby, so does Bullshit!" _

'Because of you… I am afraid.'

**.**

**This is it for today **** Like it? Love it? Dislike it? Hate it? Let me know ^_^ **


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